Recently, my husband sent me an article published on SELF online entitled “How to Keep Your Creativity Alive When You Have a Chronic Illness.” Since art and chronic illness are kind of my “thing,” I completely understand why he sent it to me, but, as I read it, I started to feel uneasy because I felt like it was missing an important disclaimer.

As an artist who is very open about having a chronic illness, I have had other artists facing a new diagnosis ask me what they should do to balance illness and art. My advice is almost always: don’t. One thing that the article above doesn’t address is the way that productivity as a virtue is entangled within capitalism. Our value as people is often tied up with our ability to produce. “What do you do?” is always an early question upon meeting someone new; our work is our identity. Even with a chronic illness, there can still be immense pressure to produce something, anything.

In the article they write: “when you also live with chronic illness, it’s not always easy to draw, write, cook, knit, build, or participate in whatever expressive outlet you love. That’s not to say creativity and chronic illness are totally incompatible. Plenty of people see their passions and hobbies as essential to their self-care routine, and others use their condition to inspire their work.” To this I would respond with a “yes, but.” 

Yes, but you do not need to be creative if what you need to do is something else.

Being chronically ill, especially early in a diagnosis before symptoms and medications are stable, is exhausting. It’s important to ask, where is this drive to create coming from? Do you feel like you have to “be productive”? To “contribute”? Are these things tied into your self worth or your perceived value as an individual? Do you feel like you “have to” make something that will then be sold? Do you feel like you “have to” document the process to eventually monetize on social media?

If you connect with these sentiments, I would try, as best as you can, to take that pressure off of yourself. Being sick is, unfortunately, a full time job. There are doctors and tests, research and reading, symptoms that change and energy levels that fluctuate. You are going through something life altering, at least temporarily, and you do not need to do anything but deal with it to the best of your ability. If you are also working full time on top of a new diagnosis, you now have two full time jobs. You do not need to go home after work and then cook, knit, or do anything but exist.

I am saying this as someone who had to almost completely stop making art during a few volatile years after diagnosis. Yes, years. I had nothing in me past the energy to barely exist, and, if this is you, please do not feel pressure to “push past it.” Even if you are having a good day, you do not need to use that extra energy to make something, unless that is what you actually want to do. 

The article’s first piece of advice is, I think, the most misguided. It states that one should “Follow artists and other sources of inspiration on social media.” It is then immediately followed by a quote from an interviewee that states, “At times it can be hard not to make comparisons about how much they’re doing when I feel useless, but most of the time I’m able to keep a mindset of learning and inspiration when I look at their processes and results.” Exactly. Please don’t do this to yourself. In fact, I would suggest the opposite, muting or unfollowing accounts that make you feel bad in any way, even if you “shouldn’t feel that way.” Seeing other people creating when you want to make something, but likely are not able to, is not going to make you feel better or more creative. In fact, the person actually says they feel “useless,” which circles back to my original point. Please don’t put this pressure on yourself.

I think the premise of the article is that the reader wants to make something - which is wonderful - and is in a maintenance phase of their illness. However, I think the place that the desire comes from needs to be examined, because the last thing you need right now is something else that isn’t healthy for you. For example, their eighth suggestion is, “When you don’t have the mental space to be creative, work on mindless tasks that will pay off later.” The idea being that, even when you are mentally exhausted, you should still set yourself up for productivity at a later date. This mindset can become so toxic so easily.

Not all of their advice is bad, and none of it is bad if you are in a good headspace and health space. They suggest journaling, breaking things into small tasks, and exploring new ideas, all good advice if you are in a maintenance phase of your illness. If your condition is stable and you have enough energy, having a creative outlet can be wonderful. However, if you are actively ill and struggling, giving yourself time and space to heal is the most valuable thing you can “contribute,” rather than continuing to labor under the guise of it being “self care.”